Thursday, July 15, 2010

X-Men (written about my Wednesday)



Have you seen X-Men, or know about them? You know Cyclops? The dude who shots lasers out of his eyes. Even when they are barely open a slit, he fires a lit of laser out. He's OK if he keeps them tightly shut.
This was me this morning, but in reverse. Even is the somewhat dim morning hours with the shades drawn, I could not even open my eyes a tiny slip with out it feeling like lasers were shooting into my eyes and frying my brain. The pain was searing. But unlike, Cyclops, I wasn't fine with just scrunching my eyes closed. The dim light that penetrated my closed eyelids was enough to make my head reel in pain. So I had tightly closed eyes and a folded shirts pressed tightly over them, all in the darkened room.

I had to trip my way to the bathroom with closed eyes.

In the stillness of early morning, everything was way too loud even the morning air and the quietness .

Yet, being a mom, I was telling Brian to write a few things on the board for the boys and remind them that Soksey can't go out today.

After Brian left I suddenly thought that if my nausea gets worse, I would have trouble finding my way to the bathroom [since I had to have my eyes closed and covered). I called Ki up to my room and asked him to move the trashcan to the side of my bed, but at the end. I sat up to find it, reaching out and Ki tells me; "I put a Throw-Up Proof book on the edge of the bed next to the trash can, so you can feel for it."

The Throw Up Proof book was my plastic coated spiral notebook for taking minutes at the homeschool meeting.

I then slumped into my Barbiturate Slumber. for about 3 hours.

Ki woke me to tell my that my friend had called to invite us to the fair today (It's Dollar Day). Ki told her I was in bed with a bad migraine and she offered to come take the boys! (I never ever had friends like this in Ohio. I have such great friends out here!)

And, I could open my eyes. It still was very very uncomfortable and BRIGHT, but not the same inward firing lasers as before. But my Throw-Up Proof book had fallen off the bed and into the trash can.

I gave the boys money for the fair and had Connor make toast and tea. He asked if I wanted any seasoning on my toast. I assume he meant Jam or Cinnamon. I declined, but requested honey for the tea.

I still could barely lift my hear or move my limbs, but I think that may have been from the 2 Firoicets I took at 6AM. I thought I was much better with the light thing until I tried to leave my darkened room to go tell the boys something and the intense brightness of the kitchen area about floored me..... or stepped me, as I was walking down steps and that is where I about landed when withdrawing from the sunlight. I felt like a vampire, but not that kind that have diamond for skins when the sun hits them, the kind that sizzle and burn away when in the sunlight.

The boys left. I napped till around 1 - in complete (almost) silence and darkness- then I decided I needed more food and was feeling well enough to venture into the light to get it. I guess that is a way to kill the vampired; starve them so they are so hungry they will risk sunlight to get a little food.

well, I did not become and pile of burnt ash. I was actually feeling better. The boys came home full of stories. Stories about bananas and deadly cookware. I ate and went back to bed to rest until 3.
I then had to go to the bank and grocery store. This did not go over as well as I had hoped. It brought the intense brain stabbing pains back and my heart was all fluttery which made me very short of breath & dizzy.
But I survived. Came home, took Excedrin, made tacos (with the help of the boys) then Brian came home, we ate and all went to the fair.

And though this morning was a bit worse than most migraines, this is pretty close to par for when I have migraines, which has been for over a week this time. I told Ki that when I have migraines it makes me feel guilty and feel like I am a bad mom, which is why I was very happy they could go to the fair and I was glad to be able to give some money.
Ki seemed very surprised and asked "But why would you feel like a bad mom??"
I told him because when I have these migraines, I can't do fun things with them or even take them to fun things. I can't get all my housework done and have to ask them to help me do it.

I hate when I have to miss fun things with them, like taking them to the fair or not being able to take them Amtgard or Karate. (Though Brian can usually take them to Amtgard if I can't).

When I just have 1 or 2 a month, they are just an annoyance. When I have them for a whole week, a couple times a month, they seem almost like a disability. They are definitely 'disabilitating' at that amount. SO, it time, again. to go back to my doctor. Maybe I should try acupuncture.

I am glad we all got to go to the fair. My head didn't bother me much, but I was still feeling sick to my stomach....
but ate Funnel Cake Anyway. It has been a long time since the last funnel cake.


THURSDAY UPDATE- still feeling better, still have a headache, but it's nothing compared to yesterday (and Monday....and Tuesday)


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